You've Got Mail
by horn-head
Summary: COMPLETE! Sequel to Las Vegas is a Scary Place! Once the guys get back to England, everyone starts writing letters to each other. Warning: mushy Remus, stoned Sirius, and Roman Candles made out of cheese inside!
1. Mushy Remus

Hello again, everyone! This is the newest story by Prof. Pendragon, Rosi-Padfoot, and Hornhead! To explain a little first, the entire story is the letters written back and forth between, well, basically everyone after the guys go back to England. Yes, it does still tell a story (not to mention, Jack is completely off his rocker!) Hope you guys enjoy.

Warning: May contain pervy cradle robbers, and bits of angstyness.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is the creator of this fine world, we are merely doing our part at messing with the characters' heads.

Chapter 1: Remus and Kate

My Dearest Kate,

It has been less than a day and my heart aches at the thought of not having you by my side. I think of you every waking moment and am often accused by Snuffles of being distracted. I am currently gazing at your photograph from the night we went dancing. I think back on that night and how lovely you are and long to return to America. I don't know when that will happen.

It is very strange to be back in England. Even though I was only gone for two weeks, it feels as if our lives would have taken a completely different turn if we had not visited Las Vegas. Sometimes it feels as if Arithmancy has it right and our reality is just one of many possible outcomes to the same story. I often fear this is all a dream and I will awaken to having never known you. I fear that I will find Snuffles dead and all that has brought me hope in the past few months vanished.

Sorry about that, my love, I was called away from my desk to speak with Dumbledore. He wanted to apologize yet again and thank me for a speedy return. He asked me to send his regards, and inquired after how you are doing. Just for your reference, I am currently writing this after our last meeting. It went very well, everyone was pleased with my research though I don't want to weigh this owl down with all the details.

I saw Paige at the meeting as well. She said discretion is the better part of valor and owl posts, for things happen on long flights and the floo system isn't what it used to be. Other than that, things are quite boring here. Though, when Paige mentioned you, Charlie inquired as to how you are doing. Paige didn't really have an answer. She said you were currently being unreasonable and hadn't spoken to her in over two days. You really should give her a chance, she had our best interests at heart, no matter how misguided those intentions might have been.

On a brighter note, Harry is getting along quite well. He's doing better at Hogwarts this year; I saw him on the Quidditch pitch today and he's looking quite grown up. He was pleased to see me, as were his friends. Well, Ron wasn't, I was chatting with Hermione and he swept into me with his broom, yelling, "Oy, pervy cradle robber! Get away from my Hermione! I mean our Hermione. I mean Hermione… Just go away!" After he realized it was me, though, he was quite pleasant. I really don't know what his problem is.

Well, it seems your roommate wishes to speak to me so I had better rush. Snuffles refused to go today and is opting to stay at my house… Taking that in to account, I had better rush.

I miss you deeply, my dearest one. Please take care of yourself and think of me with fondness.

All my love and adoration,

Remus

My beloved,

I have had an extremely trying week, so please do not expound on Paige's virtues. She never told you why I haven't spoken to her, so don't assume she deserves to be talked to. After you left, she decided to "convince" Lockhart to retract his complaint. Needless to say, I spent the next sixteen hours trying to keep her employed and out of jail. Ten hours in, I told her to go to the Order meeting.

Other than that, things are quiet here. Jack seems to be building something in the living room and Rose is still away on business. Everyone says "Hello" and sends their love. I send my love as well and think of you often.

Nothing else is going on. I miss you very much. And I had better go because something seems to be burning in the living room.

Love,

Kate

P.S. I hope the lawyer wasn't too disconcerting.

P.P.S. Who is Snuffles? Are you talking about Orion?


	2. Are you Cooking Chicken?

**Authors' Note: you know, with all the fics out there, there's no new way to say that we don't own it. Although, if you're reading on this site and expect Rowling to publish her work here, you're an idiot. Thanks to Katarina MacGonagal and Jenonymous for betaing!**

Paige,

Well, we got back to England safely. I'm currently staying at Remus's home. It's small, and somewhat ramshackle, but it's much better than staying at Grimmwauld Place. I don't have anything here that will kill me if I touch it, besides that muggle brill (or whatever it is, he used it last night to put a screw into the wall to hang my jacket on) that thing will kill me. I got my hair stuck in it and it took us twenty minutes to free it. Bugger Mooney, if he hadn't been laughing so hard it would have taken considerably less time.

So, how are things? Has Clayton managed to do any more mischief? Snogged any more "pure-blood bitches" and put himself in danger, again? It's only been a few days, but he seems the type to do it. In fact, he reminds me very much of James. He was always the type to see an opportunity for a bit of fun, and go through with it no matter how daring it was.

Heh, looking up at Remus (who's sitting across from me writing a letter to Kate), I have to wonder how long it's going to be before he talks to me again. The only thing he's said to me lately is "You hit below the belt, mentioning the promise." And then I think he called me a bastard, I can't remember, his mom's here and she made me special brownies… I have eaten quite a few of those.

So, I can't wait for Portia to meet you two, she'd love you. She's gone bonkers over the fact that her ickle "Remmie-Poo" has a girlfriend. As it is, she's so happy that she's cooking everything in sight. Last night, I was helping her make chicken when Remus came down and yelled "ARE YOU COOKING CHICKEN?" This made me laugh so hard, I drooled into the pan. I didn't tell either one of them, I didn't want to spoil their appetites. So, I don't know why I'm telling you, other than I found it hilarious when Remus said it was the best chicken his mom had ever made and asked if she put in anything different. I started laughing extremely loudly and then they both looked at me as if I was completely nutters. Of course, I only laughed harder.

I was right, you know. Sleeping alone is harder now. It's much colder, too. I almost froze my bits off that first night, Remus doesn't have much in the way of blankets and such. The next night, I tried climbing in bed with him, but he kicked me and pointed at my room. I guess he's not the cheeky arse-bandit I thought he was.

He's been moping around every moment that he's not glaring at me, which is about half the time. I think my cheerful demeanor is getting to him. He'd prefer the way I am at Grimmwauld.

Umm, he's growling and mumbling something about me looking at his letter. I'd better go.

All my love and adoration,

Sirius

Sirius,

I hear you've decided not to go to Order meetings. Any specific reason why? Whatever it is, I think you'd enjoy talking to some of the members who attend, but maybe it's just me….

I know what you mean about sleeping alone. It seems so difficult after having you to cuddle up to. I suppose I miss you hogging the bed, in a way. Sleeping, oddly enough, isn't as easy when I don't have to fight to stay on the bed.

Clayton says "Hello" and also wants to know how the ferrets and the petroleum jelly held out. Sirius, what the hell did you tow DO together! He won't tell me and I keep getting odd mental images.

Anyway, guess what Jack did? He created a giant Roman Candle made entirely out of cheese and butter. This was kind of odd, even for him, but it got worse when he set it off in the living room. I don't know what he was thinking; the kitchen would have muffled the sound better. In any case, I thought it was great when Kate got down and rubbed his nose in it. Well, rubbed his entire head, plus half his torso is more like it.

Poor guy, he's gone completely mental without Rose here. He keeps looking under the sofa and muttering about his body odor. I wish I knew why.

Wait; scratch that, I don't want to know.

Well, I was right. All of the women in the office LOVED you! At least three are willing to go to England to find you. I had to put a stop to that.

I'd better go see how Kate is faring. I kicked the shit out of Lockhart and she is insisting on getting me my job back. Well, kicked the shit out of him may not be the right words. I turned him into a newt as well, but he deserved it! I swear, if he ever even LOOKS at Kate again I'll turn him into an ugly woman and sell him into slavery in Calcutta. Stupid bloody fucking asshole!

Anyway, hope to see you soon!

Xoxo,

Paige

**Thanks to Letisha (Loved your story, Rules. Absolutely fantastic.) and Jen for reviewing. We love reviews!**


	3. Jack's Statue

**Author's Note: Hey everybody! Here it is, the answer to where Rose has been... and what is going through Jack's mind. (Standard don't own it blurb goes here)**

Dear Rose, my sweet Blossom;

Where are you? I mean, where the bloody hell are you? I haven't seen you in weeks. I miss you, my sweetness. I've kept busy, though, I looked through the entire house, twice mind you, and I couldn't find you anywhere. I did find some cheese. Actually, I found lots of cheese and some honey and some rum. Lots of rum, which I drank with my friend Eshu. Eshu told me that I should build you something beautiful and heartwarming. So I built you a statue. A life-size statue made entirely out of cheese and honey, for you are sweet like honey and the most beautiful creature in the world. I then gave your statue some rum because I love you more than I love rum. (And you know how much I love rum) And then I lit it on fire because it would be warming and the heater is still broken. It was all very breathtaking. You could have seen it if you were here. But you are somewhere else. Where the hell are you, Rose? I mean it, where are you? I'll tell you where I am. I am currently hiding from Kate, because the smell of burning cheese angers her. Or, at least, that's how Paige explained it. I think it's because she hasn't had sex in a few days. I haven't had sex in what seems like forever because I can't bloody find you! Well, I need to find a better hiding place.

Love + kisses,

Jack

WHERE ARE YOU! WHY AREN'T YOU H…

Jack,

put the cheese back. I'm fine, everything's fine. Stop setting things on fire!

Love, Rose

PS You didn't do anything to make me leave you. Honestly, I love you very much. Things are just complicated. So, if I had to blame anything, it would be my work.

**Author's note: As always, a big, huge thank you to our betas, Jenonymous and Katarina MacGonagall (I don't think I spelled that right, sorry Kat!) Who have stayed with us through about half of the last story and three chapters of this one... we owe you two big time.**

**And thank you to Jen and Letisha, the ONLY TWO to review at all... honestly, I'm beginning to think no one else likes us sniff, sniff **

**Letisha: I agree. Way to go, Paige! Woot, woot, my character is kicking ass! As to your question, heh heh, you'll just have to wait and find out, won't you? >:p Well, I could tell you how the story ends... but then what fun would reading it be? (Also, he didn't blow anything up... he merely melted down about 20 lbs of cheese. :D)**

**Jen: Yes, it is very Paigey to sign off that way, exactly what I thought when I wrote it. Thanks for the spelling correction, Prof took care of it, I think. As for Remus's Mum, well, she's Prof's creation so I can't speak fully for her, but I can say that she's the type to see a "good idea" (in her mind, anyway) and latch onto it. Special Brownies would be just that to her.**

**Everybody else: Like it? Hate it? Wish we were impaled on tall spikes in the Slytherin Common Room? Let us know! Review! Review!**


	4. Remus's Mum

**Author's Note: Hello, people! We bring you another chapter in the heart-stopping drama, You're aMale. **

**(Phone rings) Hello? Yeah. What's that? Oh... a comedy. Are you sure? Well, at least tell me Ms Rowling would sell it to me? Oh dear, you mean we're writing a comedy AND I don't get Sirius for my very own? Bollocks.**

**Alright, so I just got off the phone with my lawyers and it seems it's a comedy entitled "You've got Mail." Damn, and I was so hoping Marlena would find out that she's really John's brother. Alright, now I'm all despondent. Enjoy the damn chapter, if you can...**

Kate,

I'm leaving England. I have to get out of this gods-forsaken place. I miss you. I miss America. And I hate it here. Damn Dumbledore! Damn Sirius! If he doesn't stop humming… Stupid honor!

Sorry about that, I just needed to vent and I trust you to love me no matter how irrational I'm being. I miss you. Anyway, as you can tell, I'm not happy and today has gotten progressively worse.

Sirius is currently writing a letter using my best quill and has now succeeded in chewing it to the vein. That's how I feel today, as if I've been chewed down to my final nerve.

He kept me awake all night, whimpering when I wouldn't let him into the bed. Normally I would let him sleep with me, but he had just spent an hour rolling around in the garden. When I finally fell asleep, my mother decided to drop in for a visit. Perhaps "drop in" is too polite of a phrase for the moment. My mother decided to descend upon my house like the ten plagues of Egypt.

I awoke to find her and Sirius looking over my sleeping form making comments that I'll not trouble you with. They involved comparisons to horses, hippogriffs, and my father. After I managed to get past them to the shower, she barged in and began to objectively critique my bits and pieces. Needless to say, I was not amused by any of this and asked her politely to go home. A request that she promptly ignored.

Instead, I found her feeding special brownies to Sirius and lecturing him on the virtues of Madam Bovary's Warming Lubricant. This, of course, was the point in the day when she noticed the talisman you gave me with and began grilling me over it's origins. Using his uncanny knack for bad timing, Sirius decided this would be a good opportunity to tell my mother everything about you and me. This included showing her the picture of you from my bedside table and breaking into a stoned rendition of "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen. He then went on to describe all of your physical attributes to my mother, who's decided you would make a wonderful sex kitten and asked if I had mounted you yet.

Please do not get me wrong, Dearest. I am quite proud to have you as a mate and I would eagerly brag about you to anyone in the world but not my mother. That woman is a menace! I've often wondered if she only had me because children were the "in" thing at the time. Don't misunderstand me, I love my mother very much and I'm sure she loves me as well; it's just ever since I was bitten she's treated me more like a cause than her child. I apologize for being so enraged by this, but it's rather difficult to live with her sometimes. And what makes matters worse is that Sirius knows this. In fact, we made a pact in third year that no Marauder would share any information about my sex life with my parents after Filch caught them shagging on the Head Table in the Great Hall.

After escaping the fuchsia colored menace, I was promptly confronted by a small band of Greyback's flunkies. I must admit that the wolves in America are far more civilized and kind than anything found in the Isles. Once I had fought my way through them, I went to Hogwarts where my day continued to decline.

Dumbledore found the seven personal identity locks and the string of twenty-seven curses you placed on the iron box containing my letter and the lawyers who delivered it amusing. I must admit, they are quite intimidating. He believes, however, that stronger security measures should be applied, so all letters between us are to go through Order Headquarters and will be delivered by Paige. This means that I'll only be able to hear from you once a week.

His "brilliant" solution to our problem of not being able to communicate was for you to come to England to help with the cause. When I pointed out my injuries from that morning, he replied, "Oh, not to worry, love will find a way."

When I returned home, I found Sirius and my mother discussing various techniques for clitoral stimulation. So, once more, I asked my mother to leave and then I went upstairs to take a nap. I awoke to the sound of Sirius singing Old MacDonald at the top of his lungs. Walking downstairs, I found my mother had not left, but had instead decided to cook a full chicken dinner. Though it was quite good, I just really wanted her to leave.

Anyway, I need to end this, Sirius is begging for more parchment. I really should just send him home. I miss you, dearest.

Write as soon as you can.

All my love and adoration,

Remus

My darling You,

Remus is threatening to send me back to Grimmauld Place! All because I'm eating cake. Apparently, he doesn't like me eating cake.

I'm talking with Portia about sex. She's giving me some great ideas. You have no idea how many uses there are for children's songs! I like the one about Bo Peep.

Did I ever tell you that Remus told me that Kate has a big arse? He said so in Vegas. He got mad when I told his mum.

I like blueberries. They're good. Not really blue, though. I'm gonna go eat some.

Sirius

PS: Enclosed is a thong for Kate. I found it just now in Remus's wardrobe.

Dear Beloved Mate,

I am sorry your mom is being so trying. Just remember that I love you very much and am your mate, not hers, so please don't stress about it. As far as Sirius goes, have patience. Most chemically altered states only last a few days at most.

Things have been interesting here. Jack disappeared a few days ago and we just finished moving into Paige's Great Aunt's house. It is like a tomb here. Well, it would be if Clayton wasn't living with us, but you probably don't know about that. Clayton sneaked away and stole John's car to meet a girl in California. He only got to the state line before he totaled it. Needless to say, he is currently in hot water with John, Abby, and Maddy. In fact, Maddy hasn't spoken to him in days. So, he's been pouting non-stop.

As far as England goes, I would go anywhere to be with you. Unfortunately, the Ministry rarely grants visas to foreign werewolves. Although, I think the trials of dealing with them might be worth getting out of this house. I haven't left since we arrived. The only things I've done for days are home-schooling Clayton, work on the portal, and clean. The only time I see anyone is when a pack member comes to visit. All John and Abby are doing lately is nagging me to eat something.

Damn it! Clayton just pulled his stitches out again dodging doxies in the parlor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this short.

All my love,

Kate

PS: Thank Sirius for the eye patch, I gave it to the pixies in the back garden who have turned it into a hammock… of sorts.

**Author's note: A big thank you to our betas, Jenonymous and Katarina MacGonagall! We love you both! Mwah!**

**Bunny of Despair: Love the name! Thank you for the review.**

**Letisha: Yes, feel sorry for Kate and Paige, I would have sent him off to live in a very nice upholstered room long ago. Apparently, the girls are more patient and understanding than I...**

**To everyone else: REVIEW! If nothing else, tell me what you thought of my beginning author's note. I worked very hard on it... for about a minute. And then I was done. Really though, we love reviews, FEED THE AUTHORS!**


	5. Sirius's revenge

**Author's note: Hey everybody! Here we go again. Another chapter. Wow.**

To all my loved ones, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, strangers, and master detectives:

I have lost my dearest love, my Rose and my rum. All right, let me start again. I have lost my two dearest loves, my Rose, my rum, and my pistol. I have lost my three dearest loves; my Rose, my rum, my pistol, and my mango-cherry scented bodywash. Alright, so maybe I didn't _love_ my bodywash, but we were close and I think Rose might have left because of the smell.

So I am on a quest, of sorts. I quest to find my most darling Blossom. She is the most beauteous of maidens and I must force her to return to me. She is my treasure, my sweetest flower, who has gone and buggered off! So if any of you know where she is I demand you tell me her whereabouts. I DEMAND MY ROSIE!

Other than that, everything is gorgeous. Got a great tan, but it's Vegas so we all do.

Luv and Kisses,

Jack Morgan, Action Pirate

P.S. Never suck all the juice out of a vampire.

Paige,

No, I won't go to the meetings. Not until they move the out of that den of inequity. (Now, if it was a den of iniquity… but that wouldn't happen unless it was just you and I there.) Hmm, that gives me an idea. Are you free next Friday?

Anyway, Jack and the cheese is brilliant! I wish I had thought of that while I was in school, James and I would have pranked the Slytherin's with it. Ah well, too late now.

If Clayton won't tell you what we did, then neither will I. Well, don't worry about it, no one is going to retaliate. Except maybe the ferrets, but I wouldn't blame them. Tell him the petroleum jelly is still present but the ferrets have run away. I don't think they've ever had an experience quite like the one we gave them.

Plech! Ink tastes horrible! I'll have to talk to the Weasley boys and see if they can make me an ink that tastes better. Could you write to them and tell them what you taste like? That would be fucking fantastic! Of course, I'll have to get red ink then, so I could really give people a scare. Well... hmm. Which one would be scarier, me with my teeth stained red, or green?

That's all for now. I hope you're free next Friday night!

Sincerely yours,

Sirius

Jack,

Your pistol has been melted down and made into a belt buckle. It's a good thing, too, because I needed a new one. My old belt was a piece of rope. So, I thank you profusely.

Incidentally, I have recently discovered why you like rum so much. It's got a pleasant tingle as it goes down my throat, thank you for that as well.

Bodywash. Is that what that was? I thought it was some kind of odd muggle drink. Well, thanks, but no thanks. I already poured it down the drain.

As for Rose… it's about bloody time she left you, you barmy git! I guess the girl's not all fluff after all. Here's what I get for thinking she's just a bit of skirt who will go for anything. Never judge a book by its cover. (Fortunately, I have more to go on than what's covering her.)

Contentedly yours,

Sirius Black

Sirius,

I think you're missing out on some important stuff by refusing to go to Order meetings. Maybe it could be a den of iniquity if you'd show up. You'll never know unless you go… And I did already make plans for Friday night.

Jack's cheese experiment was not brilliant! It was absolutely idiotic! Good thing our lease is up soon, this place smells like some kind of rodent drug lord has set up shop. I hate cheese.

You and Clayton can both go to hell. That boy won't learn! He is intentionally getting himself (and me) into trouble! I'm currently staying at his house every night of the week with two other D.A.S. officers. If this keeps up, he's going to have more drastic measures taken. I hope it doesn't come to that, he needs to have freedom. I will, however, lock him in a closet if that's what it takes to make him behave.

Well, I'd better get back to work.

Hope to see you soon!

Paige

PS Please relay a message to Severus for me.

If a woman tells you "no, you mutant hairball," don't think that means you can get away with trying to force things on her that she doesn't want.

Thanks, babe!

Paige,

Snivellus will be sending you an extremely lengthy letter expressing his deepest apologies just as soon as he gets out of St. Mungo's. Apparently he had a run in with ahippogryph and somehowgot a rather large pewter goblet stuck in his nose.

Sirius

**Author's note: Hehehe, Sirius got to have some fun. Erm, I mean, it was all happenstance. Yeah, that's it. Snape forced the cup up his own nose and stumbled into Witherwings... oh shut up. Now for reviews.**

**Messr-Paddifoots-love****: Woot! One of our old reviewers has come back to haunt us! I mean... erm, yeah. We're doing a sequel, that's right. We just can't seem to stay away from these characters. You're straight! Damn, there goes my plans for the weekend... :p**

**Katarina McGonagall****: Why, thank you. You're into voyeurism? Kinky... Anyway, the smell of fried chicken doesn't squick us, rather it squicks Prof and Rosi's mom. It comes out of this joke going between us about something their mom did... I'll get Prof to explain it. HA! I agree, Remus's mom is a freak. But then, couldn't we all say the same about ourselves?**

**Letishia**** Remus needs more than a hug, but we'll leave that up to Kate. Maybe you and Katarina could go watch?**

**K, that's all for now, people, we'll post again soon!**

**Ta ta.**


	6. He ate my Baby

**Author's Notes: Yes people, we've finally returned. It wouldn't have been so bad, if my shadow hadn't run away again(I watch Peter Pan ONE FRIGGIN TIME...) Yes, we will be updating much quicker from now on, in fact, everything else is all written up, waiting to be typed.**

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Dear Kate,

Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while, work has kept me extremely busy. Lately, I've been working closely with some very scary and crazy animals.

Speaking of which, have you spoken to Jack recently? I haven't heard from him in a while and I'm starting to worry that he's done something….well…that Jack would do. I can't afford to be distracted from my work right now and

Uh oh, I have to go now but I'll write again soon.

Rose

P.S.-Please, please, please tell me that you know where Jack is. I just heard a rumor that he's attempting to hunt me down. Bloody freaking pirate!

Dear Rose-girl,

Your pirate friend recently appeared at our offices and threatened our lives and fabulous costumes if we did not tell him your whereabouts. We were going to send him away with another taunting, but we thought he meant business when he ate our pet dingo baby. Anyway, he knows you are in France and will probably be there within the hour.

Yours fabulously,

Ziegal and Troy

PS You're fired because your boyfriend ate our baby.

Dear Rose,

It's good to hear from you, I'm glad you're still in one piece although very busy. I'm sorry to say that Jack is not in Vegas, at least nowhere I know of. He disappeared two weeks ago and seemed very upset. Let us know if you need anything and I hope all is well.

Kate

PS Really, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call.

Dear Katie,

Sorry to have run off like that, it was very bad of me. I'm just writing to tell you that I have been with Rose and she is fine. We are currently on a long tour of Europe and the Bahamas. They have really nice rum in the Bahamas. Anyway, I must run because Rose is trying to chew through her ropes, I mean wake up. Take care and be good.

Jack Morgan, Action Pirate

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**Author's notes: Woot! Now, review, or I shall taunt you a second time!**

**Thanks go out to Jen and Katarina (We love you)for betaing, and to our two reviewers!**

**Letisha; Don't worry about Remus, he's got Sirius... that is, I mean... erm, SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK! hehe**

**Messyr-Padfootslove; I'll dream of you forever, I'll never forget you. Don't let go, DON'T LET GO!**

**Now, all of y'all who didn't review this last time, do it now!**

**Love,**

**Hornhead**


	7. Red Rover, Red Rover, send Paige Over

**Author's note: Hello again, ever'body! We's gonna go rassle up some letters fer ya t'dee 'n' git us sum grub! Oh yeah, yee'd hafta be more'n a few bricks short uva load to thunk we own Ha-ree Pott'r!

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Sirius,

Your last letter was… interesting. Kate says thank you for the eye patch, she wears it daily. I want to know where Remus got it, doesn't seem his style.

Sorry I haven't written for a couple of weeks, things have been nuts around here! We're settling in to Montgomery Manor and currently trying to make it livable. Kate will be starting preparations for the gateway, next. It was discussed at the last Order meeting. It'll make life easier, won't it?

Clayton has come to live with us; he finally went too far. He's been doing everything imaginable to irritate wizards for quite a while, but this topped them all. He stole John's car and went to California. Well, he really only made it about twenty miles across the border before he totaled it and then lied to John when he got back. Don't worry, he's healing fine… for now. If he doesn't stop whining to me to charm him back to full health I'm gonna give him something to whine about! (Oh God, I sound like my mother!) As you can guess, we're making him heal normally, without magic.

Hmm, silencing spells work wonders, no more whining!

He's not very happy with me, I won't even allow him in the garden right now. (Like he could handle the infestation of crups and bowtruckles in the front yard by himself!) So, he's stuck indoors. This, of course, means that Kate is too, since she's here all day with him.

Want to hear something odd? I miss you. Don't take that the wrong way, it's just abnormal for me. I say this because the only people I've ever really missed before are Kate and my parents. I find myself wondering what you would do or say if you were with me, knowing that you'd make me laugh even on my worst days. I wish I could have you around, if for nothing more than comic relief.

I must get going, Clayton grabbed a book of matches and headed in the direction of the library.

XOXO,

Paige

Dear Remus,

I think I'm starting to finally loose it, I miss you so much and I feel like the walls are closing in on me. I only see Clayton and Paige these days because of all the work that has to be done on the house and the portal. Not to mention Clayton is behind on studying for his NEWTs, I still don' t know how he's made it this far. That boy can't even tell the difference between Gris and Mojo and still expects to get into DADA Master's training in New Orleans.

It's been raining here for over a week straight, most of the land is flooded pulling some ickies up from the lower marshes near the hot springs. I think we may have a small infestation of hinkipunks near the back fence where the water is around six feet deep. Just so you know, never build a house near a salt flat unless you want it to be surround by a moat two months of the year.

I really need to get out of the house, I don't think I've seen natural light in over six days. John and Abby have refused to come over because in Abby's words, "She will not standby and watch me run myself into the ground". Honestly, I am taking care of myself. I mean I had breakfast this morning and I am getting ready for bed now. And really 4 am is not that late of a bedtime and saltines are a healthy breakfast. But I'm so lonely. Clayton is usually great but he's only been pouting and whining about being stuck in this place. The only meaningful conversations I have had were with Palo spirits and a couple of the ghosts that knock around this place.

Anyway, I better wrap this up Paige needs to leave for the Order meeting. Please tell her that I do not look like a vampire. I miss you very, very much.

All my Love,  
Kate

_Dear Miss Pierce,_

_I write to you with a heavy heart, Mr. Billius Graves, our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, has passed on of rather suspicious causes._

As the school is in desperate need of a new teacher, I consulted Alastor Moody on a candidate for the job. You, Miss Pierce, were his first and only recommendation. He thinks very highly of you; a point, I must stress, that needs to be taken into consideration.

_So, as Headmaster of this fine school, I implore you to come to Hogwarts to fill in for the rest of the year. I realize that teaching is not your strongest point, but I have faith in your abilities._

_Please consider my offer carefully. Also, I must add that I will pay you twice what you are making now, along with room and board. Again, I sincerely hope you'll decide to come join our family here, you'll be much appreciated._

_Albus Dumbledore

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**Author's Note: Well, I guess the pirate's out of the bag... we're doing yet another sequel. Thank you, thank you. No really, you can just make a donation at the door. Or in the form of a review!**

**Letisha: I never actually thought there was a reason to date an insane action pirate to begin with, but that's just me...**

**MessrPadifootslove: Frodo, did I miss something? Does this make me Sam? Cause I'd rather be Pippin, he's not so angsty as Sam or Frodo. Come to think of it, Frodo and Harry have a lot in common...**

**Jen: Thanks for betaing, as always, and for the chocolate. Rum is better, and you won't get a headache the next day if you drink some OJ or gatorade before going to bed and guzzle water as soon as you wake up. Oh, and a multivitamin works wonders, too. (along with the other stuff) The dingo thing didn't come from anything other than Prof's mind. Yes, she's that demented.**

**Kat: Jack will get what's coming to him soon, this next story should have it within the first ten chapters. (Oh God, it's gonna be as long as the last story!)**


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